i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
