dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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