I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dick very happy bro
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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