last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I party with great urgency now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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