You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
