He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
