i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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