i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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