Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
