first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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