what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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