I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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