Do you still have your period?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
