After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
