If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
