just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
