Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
