I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
