i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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