New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
