is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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