And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
