I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
