And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Mom said you looked used
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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