oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
