I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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