you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
