He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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