Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
