you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
