my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
