I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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