I think I am morally bankrupt
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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