You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
