You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
