i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Randomize
