If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
