No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
