Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
