either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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