Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
