we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
