My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
