It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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