(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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