Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
