he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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