Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His nipple licking is glorious
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