I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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