My nipple is on Facebook.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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