I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
