So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
