So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
