Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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